


one day i'll fail to breathe and all you'll have are memories

by evilstheater



Category: Black Jack (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26455813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilstheater/pseuds/evilstheater
Summary: “You’re bleeding.”“No, I’m not.”-short vent drabble
Relationships: Black Jack/Kisaragi Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	one day i'll fail to breathe and all you'll have are memories

The grandfather clock chimed through the halls, leaving a soft clanging noise that echoed into the guest room of Black Jack’s clinic. The guest inside didn’t react to the gong sounding out its alarm. He was too preoccupied doing other things to pay attention to what time it was, nor did he care.

The surgical scalpel was smooth against Kei’s skin. It left pretty red marks on his wrist, which bled down his arm. He tried hard to not let any bit of it touch the poor clean sheets, but it wasn’t long before drops of crimson fell like teardrops from his veins. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this, actually, but the drive was there. He couldn’t help himself.

Here he was, in his past lovers’ home, and yet he never felt so alone.

Why did his depressive thoughts never go away? Why, he thought to himself, could he not have a moment of happiness?

Why did his brain have to scream at him, reminding him of all of his failures, the reason why he would never be loved, the reason why he felt disgusting looking in the mirror? Why did he get these urges to tear up his skin, despite all of these problems being made up in his head? Why did he have to do this during one of the brief breaks he had?

Why wouldn’t it end?

The door creaked open, with the surgeon peeking his head in. He wasn’t expecting what he saw.

“You’re bleeding,” Black Jack said, keeping an apathetic tone in his voice.

“No, I’m not,” Kei mumbled, refusing to look at him in the eyes.

Black Jack took a few steps closer to the doctor. Sure enough, there were marks all over his wrist. Some fresh, some scabbing, some left as little scars to be forgotten about. He wasn’t sure how to react. Scream, maybe? Yell at Kei? Cry? He had people exhibit mental unwellness in his home before, but not from someone who he truly cared about.

He didn’t have many he cared for, anyway.

“Give me your wrist,” he said.  
“No,” Kei replied, looking away still.

“I said, give me your wrist.”

“I can handle this myself.”

“Give me your wrist or else I’m kicking you out.”

He didn’t like being harsh. He didn’t want to be harsh right now.

Kei complied at the last statement, sticking his wrist out. The surgeon had a first aid kit in the room, so he begun to disinfect the self-made cuts on Kei’s wrist. There were many questions echoing through his head, but he managed to only ask one.

“Why?” the surgeon asked.

“I don’t know.”

He pressed down hard on his wrist, trying to get the bleeding to stop. Luckily, they weren’t so deep. The last thing he wanted was for his guest to be in more pain. He pulled the rag away from the cuts, making sure that blood was no longer leaking from his arm. Content, he held Kei’s arm in his hands for a moment.

Black Jack wasn’t good with emotions. He never would be, he thought. He didn’t deserve things as love, or the fact that Kei made an effort to visit him at least once every few years. He should’ve been left in the past. He wondered if the cuts on his wrist were caused by him, and if he was just as awful as he thought

He lifted the wrist to his mouth, and traced a few kisses across each scar, each wound, each bit of skin he could manage to touch. Kei noted that his lips were oddly soft, and the warmth from them made him recoil. Yet, he couldn’t be bothered to pull his wrist away.

As soon as he started, he pulled his lips away from the marks. He bandaged the whole wrist without a single word, and walked away when he was finish.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, closing the door behind him.

For the first time in a few years, Kei wept.


End file.
